Post 100

I started this blog in June, 2010. Since then, my life has changed utterly. I have gone from stay-at-home mom with too much time on my hands to a single mother of three with too much responsibility on my shoulders.

I’ve gone back to school, I’ve held down a temporary part-time job, and I’ve gained a lot of weight. My internship, which held such hope and promise when I started on May 1, crashed and burned, putting my academic future and career in jeopardy. My kids have gone from loving obedience to teen-age rebellion and angst. I have no idea what my life will be like month to month. I live in a constant state of financial anxiety and stress.

photo (5)My dog has gone from a source of blog fodder and joy to another responsibility and expense. His last vet bill– just a regular check-up, but he was due for every shot under the sun– was close to $300.00. He’s gained weight too. Every time I have to be out of town overnight I’m stuck with a logistical nightmare of who will stay with the kids, and who will take care of the dog.

I told the vet that Our Best Friend was becoming too much for me. I suffer chronic guilt at his lack of exercise and resulting weight gain. Of course he still suffers from terrible separation anxiety, and any new owner would have to cope to with a very anxious, reactive dog. She was non-judgemental and sympathetic. She even said if I decided to give him up, she’d find a home for him for me, pre-screened from among her patients.

“But if you asked him,” she added, “he’d probably tell you that he wants to stay with his family.” I know, I know. That dog wants nothing more than to be by my side 24/7. Guilt if he goes, guilt if he stays.

This week I was supposed to go camping with the Youngest and the Ex’s sister. Then I realized I hadn’t set up anything for the two other kids. I’ve overtaxed my friends and family with requests for favours. Glory took the dog last week when I went away for two days. But she takes him to work with her so he doesn’t spend the day barking his head off in her apartment. I don’t feel right asking her again. And there’s nobody else.

The Youngest badly wants me along camping. The camp site allows dogs. We could take Our Best Friend. I just have to sort out the other two kids; camping’s not their thing. The Middle Child is going to stay with her same-age cousin at their house, along with the adult of the family, my niece’s mother. Is The Eldest (15½) old enough to stay home alone with her 16-year-old cousin? Both are pretty responsible kids. I’d let the dog stay with them, but I can’t trust them to get up and let him out in the morning. These are the options. I’m just so tired of figuring everything out on my own.

I could never have guessed, in June 2010, that three years later my life would be such a train wreck. That putting up one blog post a month could be so difficult. That every day I would struggle with decisions that shouldn’t even have to be made– like whether or not pets can be part of my life right now. (Never mind the feral cat and her three kittens currently residing in my basement– that’s a post for another day.)

But always, the kids have to come first. The Youngest wants me to come, at least for the first two days. The Middle Child wants me home Tuesday so she can have her annual summer sleepover with her friends (one of them will be away July 10 to the end of August, so it HAS to be this week). So I’ll go for two days, and experiment with camping with a dog. Then I’ll come back and supervise a sleepover. If the camp site wasn’t so far away (three hours!) I’d go back for Wednesday. Maybe we’ll meet in the middle.

Next Monday I meet with the chair of my department to discuss September. When my brain goes to the future, I panic and hyperventilate. Maybe camping will relax me for two days. And if I take the dog camping, I’ll have something to write about in Blog Post 101.

About one person's view

I'm the mother of three girls, three cats, and a dog. All need constant attention, but only the dog likes to go for long walks!
This entry was posted in Blogging, children, Dogs, pet ownership, Pet travel, pets, Travel and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Post 100

  1. somethingwagging says:

    Breathe. Just breathe.

    I hope the time in nature gives you some peace with all your responsibilities. Regardless of how you feel, you’re going a great job caring for everyone. Hopefully, even yourself.

    Hope you have a great camping trip.

  2. Kristine says:

    Oh dear, I am so sorry everything has suddenly become so hard. I have nothing but awe and respect for single parents as I can only imagine how difficult it must be hold hold everything together while also retaining one’s sanity. Add the craziness of school on top of that? I think it is terrific you are all still functioning and getting enough to eat. All you need to do, I think, it take a breath and cut yourself some slack. You can’t do it all and that’s okay. Everyone is fed, everyone is alive, and sometimes that is enough.

  3. shoes says:

    Take a moment to pat yourself on the back. Life has gotten crazy and you have risen to the occasion because it needed to be done and you are strong enough to do it. And I very much agree with somethingwagging – breathe. Just breathe.

  4. It is hard being a single mom and giver of all care, it’s important to take time for yourself. I know it’s not easy finding that time, but it’s so important.

    BTW, congrats on your 100th post!! Way to go!

    • It’s less the “time for myself thing” and more the financial stress and uncertainty for the future that’s doing me in. 😦

      Thanks for the congrats on the 100th post. At this rate I’ll hit 200 in five years.

  5. It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job with a load of responsibilities that would make anyone feel overwhelmed. I’m sending giant hugs your way – make sure to take care of yourself too.

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